Those days when you should follow your first instinct...

February 2012-After a late track meet last night my sweet dogs waited until 6:16am to whine at the bedroom door and shake me out of bed. I used their outside time to make coffee and crawled back in until 7:37! Happy to wake up to coffee I poured a second cup before I realized the pack and I probably needed a little fresh air so we headed out in the cold tails a waggin'! We got far enough out on a lonely road that I felt comfortable, except for the voice inside my head whispering-are you sure you want to do that, letting the young pups loose to frolic. It took them exactly 2 and half minutes to find a deer carcass. We ran our out and back, with Chance lagging behind to enjoy a tasty lower leg. The other dogs knew to ignore him, which was fine until it was time to run back out into civilization and put him back on a leash with the rest of them! I knew leashing him up to the others was going to be a scary task, so to start out I tied the 3 dogs to a post across the road from the beast. I knew getting him to join back with the pack after enjoying his tasty leg would be a bad idea, yet didn't listen to that little voice in my head. As soon as I got them all situated Bandit took a sniff and snap! Dogfight! I run with these dogs basically tied around my waist-it requires superhero moves to separate 2 fighting dogs from each other and 2 more scared shitless. We made it home with minimal bloodshed, but completely shot nerves! Within an hour the family was packed up to enjoy another great day at Whiteface. We'd been there a couple days before and conditions were perfect, despite a not so perfect type of winter. Perfection can only last so long and ice covered the mountain. A skier had a fatal crash the day before and people chatting about it on our trip up in the gondola made me feel like vomitting. I suggested a couple of trails to Kevin-one that was challenging but had been overflowing with fresh snow on our previous visit and one that was easy for our rattled minds no matter how much ice we encountered. In my infinite rattledness I went along with the family and chose the challenging trail. when we got to the top of the trail I began to panic! It felt like we were on a frozen lake that had simply been tipped sideways! I couldn't move and did what any good mother would do in the situation, started swearing at my husband. Ruby just put her head down and followed her dad carefully down the ice rink while I swore and swore and swore and didn't budge. Kevin suggested I take my skis of and walk down (did I mention the ice rink we were on). I did that and immediately knew I was making a big mistake and started flailing. A ski patroller stop to see if I need help and just laughed and skied away when they realized it was me losing my shit! I decided to stop listening to Kevin and put my fate in my 8 year old's calm hands. I begged her to get me off the trail. Miss Nerves of Steel saved my life by following her instincts and leading me down the safest possible trail. When we got to the bottom she revealed that she had been a little nervous but kept repeating "stay with it, stay with it" over and over in her head. Instincts, cool and calm decades beyond her 8 years :)

The End Of An Era...

I just returned from a lovely weekend with Ruby and friends running the Philadelphia Marathon. It was a long, happy weekend full of real laughter and a few tears as we drove, ate pizza, drove, ate pizza, walked, ate pizza, ran a marathon, and more ate pizza. As we ate all the pizza and drove and drove I had a lot of time to reflect on saying good bye to a dog who lived the kind of life most dogs dream about. Quenton experienced fun travels to far away places, meaningful work and play, human food galore, and plenty of dumpster diving in his 13 and a half. There are only a couple of people that I have made as many crazy memories with! From the day I picked him up from his fairy dogmother, my sister Kim, he didn't have a normal life. After college I was looking for the kind unconditional positive regard from a male that I always knew I deserved and the moment I locked eyes with him I knew he was going to give it! His first night with me I made the mistake of giving into his puppy whimpers by letting him out of the crate to snuggle and it was all downhill after that! Within a week of joining me he totalled my car and caused more concern for my poor parents! His blonde locks and beautiful eyes won them over, sort of like a bad but charming and gorgeous boyfriend (the kind that Q would chew belongings of to make them go away). We had a wild first year together in our little house in Gouverneur. Without friends close by, Q was my training partner as I undertook the job of turning myself into a fast triathlete. When my boyfriend backed out of a week long trip to a race in Tennessee my father decided the only way I could go was with the big yellow monster! Off we went in my little green pickup, with a camp stove and a very loose plan. Our first night on the road we locked ourselves into the back of the truck in a Days Inn parking lot in Ohio, the second night we met an REI employee/dog owner who invited us to stay at his place, and then we hit a hillbilly filled campground in the hills-thanks to Q I was not afraid in any of these semi sketch situations! The morning of the race I sort of had a plan to find a nice shady parking spot where he could get in and out of the back of the truck and stay cool. If you had the pleasure of meeting my big spaz attack, you know this was a bad bad bad idea! Fortunately, the Boy Scouts were in charge of parking that day and for no money at all they agreed to dog sit during the race! The 4 times I got to run by him that day he barked wildly and almost dragged the boy right out onto the course with me. We finished the week with a stop to a friend who lived in his parents beautiful home near Philly. The idea for this day was Q could play with my friends dogs in the back yard while we trained. We walked into the immaculately landscaped backyard, complete with coy pond and 3 foot fence and I asked, "do you value those fish and how do your dogs stay contained in that fence?" We tried to keep him in the back yard but huskies have serious separation anxiety and the clean, clear doors lining the back of the house were quickly covered in muddy Q paws. I took him to a park and ran the hell out of him and he had to spend the rest of the day in his kennel (the back of the truck). So much shedding that week and so many botched plans, but one of my favorite trips of my life! Too many memories! More to come...

Happy Saturday!

Dear Amy, Please take a couple of moments and remember how good you feel right now. How good it felt to get up and out the door and onto the treadmill and bike. How good it felt to sneak back into the house, despite the senile barking dog, and make scones out of whole wheat flour. Remember how happy you were to see Ruby when she stumbled into the kitchen all messy haired and groggy. How you did all your work and showered before 10am and you even combed your hair! You got this Saturday morning right Amy, you got up and put your body to work. You killed your brick and sweated-A LOT! You crossed a recipe off your list and your husband didn't even notice the wheat flour. Because you got this morning right you were a better person all day long. Please don't forget because you get another chance to nail it again tomorrow!

This evening at dinner the scary thing that I did was say my goal for next week out loud. We are headed to Las Vegas in 5 days for the 70.3 World Championships and much of the last 3 months have been devoted to this race. I like to keep my goals a secret, but today I did something scary and said the goal out loud. The only reason I could say it was the amazing feeling of complete preparedness I'm feeling right now. When I spoke with Coach Julio about last year's marathon prep vs. this year's half ironman prep he said, "you just weren't ready for it and now you're ready." Like always, he is 100% correct. I was ready to get back into a pattern of working hard and testing my lungs and legs, but it all led me back to triathlon. I have some trouble stomaching taking time and money away from my family, but I'm also hard for them to stomach if I'm not working toward a goal. In May I never would have guessed that I would be "all in" for triathlon this year, but a weekend in Westchester around fun friends and a great coach got the wheels turning! Coach Julio had me jump in the very next day with a long run followed by 800's in Rockefeller Park and that started the 4 week frenzy to qualify for 70.3 Worlds. Within days the bike rack was back on my car, I dug out my swim goggles and 12 year old wetsuit, and I even ordered 2 of the most ridiculous tri suits you've ever seen! Somehow we were able to pull it all together to get a Worlds spot at Providence 70.3(my not so secret goal, my secret goal was to be the top amateur-check). Now it's September and we're on our way to Vegas! I've had a good summer following Julio's plan, as best as I possibly could, and my family has supported the super early 4 and 5 plus hour workouts. Even the dogs almost understand that bike clothes, aren't running clothes and when I wear the bike clothes our run must wait a few hours! Thank you family, Julio, friends and puppies for your patience and understanding-one more week to taper without getting too snappy with my loved once a quick trip to the desert to prance around in my tri suit and we'll be back to praying for snow!

Quote of the Day...

Here's a pure Ruby-
On the way to practice today she told me "I just can't ski slow. It's just not me to not ski fast. I love my friends but when they ask me to slow down and ski with them I have to be honest and tell them I'll try to slow down, but it probably won't work."

ps-never tell Ruby you've read this. I recently found myself in hot water for posting a comment she made about thinking she'll be a nerd in high school on facebook.

Ruby Turns 8

It's 10:57pm on 12/28/11 and I'm looking back at baby pictures of my now 8 year old. If I look for more than 30 seconds at a time I well up and sob-How did this happen? When did she become a BIG kid? When I gave her hug before bed I said "exactly 8 years ago I finally regained the feeling in my arms and got to hold you." Began to well up again so I told her I loved her and said good night and ran away. And now I've stepped back in time with these damn pictures and all the amazing moments Ruby has given us in 8 short years. The power of parenthood is frightening at times, the entire time I was pregnant with Ruby I was crippled by thoughts of things going wrong. When she came out with all her fingers and toes I sighed a huge sigh of relief.

Driving back from Grandma's today she asked her usual million questions and then took a nap, while she was napping I realized how much all of those questions have shaped her. Not only questions of me, but of all of the people in her life. She's always been dragged on buses full of crazed teenagers, out to ski where little girls shouldn't ski, to do mile repeats with 4 dogs in the baby jogger and she's taken it all in and made it pure Ruby.

Crawling Out Of The Hole...

Yesterday one of my friends said, "if you're committed to something you just behave better." This comment is resonating with me. For the last 18 months I've been working out primarily to stay sane and tire out the pack. I've had ideas of goals throughout this time, but just haven't been able to get my act together to make a plan, stick to it, take care of my body and stay healthy. I finally got tired of bitching and moaning about missing my badassedness and decided it was time to get off my ass and get it back! As I don't feel like I have the time for Ironman or even half Ironman races, the marathon was an easy choice. There's also 5 months left to hit an Olympic Trials qualifying mark, but that's a secondary goal to finding the badassedness. I found a great coach and have recruited a couple of top notch training partners, NCAA Champ Wendy Pavlus & NYS 400 Hurdle Champ Kyla Kenyon, and am crawling out the hole I slowly jogged myself into. It's amazing how great it feels to challenge myself again, how excited I get when I check out the next week's plan, how willing I am to invite the girls to kick my ass once or twice a week! Being committed to running the best marathon I can makes me a little bit more conscious about everything I do from eating, to parenting, to cleaning motel rooms. I'm definitely feeling renewed and relieved that it's not all over, that I can train properly for this race, learn from past mistakes, and see what I've got!